There are few jobs

That I hate more than painting.

If I could find a painter who did as good a job as I do, or who made less mess and left fewer paint drops on the floor than I do, I'd be willing to pay for having my kitchen walls painted

Sadly, "Professional Painter" doesn't mean "Craftsman" in this area....but rather "fairly sure which end of the paintbrush to pick up" and "not terribly likely to paint the wrong thing" and "might not make too much of a mess".

So fuckit, I'll paint.

But I hate it. I'd rather be a demonstrator model at a proctology school.